What value are thoughts spewed into this digital cloud? Because it is a spew that I feel like I’m doing whenever I write here. An unbridled vomiting of non-coherence for the sake of what? To feel paid attention to? Because I feel like what I say matters? Because my voice from the far side of a small town matters? Who knows if any of what anyone writes into this network of interfaces is paid attention to.
Sure, there’s an idle attention paid to it. A kind of dutiful reading of the text by a blog’s adherents, but after that is there any impact? Does it matter? There was a time when I believed very deeply that writing in this space, or any space by anyone, mattered very much. That the increased volume of words created a coordinated volume of ideas that at some point would need to be heeded by somebody. Today I can say that I want to believe that it matters, but I’m not sure it does. That said, certainly nothing like the worth of words can be measured in any kind of satisfactory, quantifiable way. Nor do I believe that it should be weighed in that way. So in a way, my belief is all I have that words matter. So in that spirit, I have posted to this site over the years.
I’ve weighed in on silliness, on things I feel are important, on news that mattered to me at the time, and on personal struggles and tragedy. In short, this blog of mine has had no theme or reason for its existence. That is, nothing other than its purpose to hold thoughts I felt like sharing. To call it a mish-mash is to diminish it in my mind, and yet to call it a journal is to make it out to be more serious than it is.
I’ve always separated the kinds of writing I do. The “serious” writing of research, essays, etc. and then “casual” writing that is this blog, or the occasional fiction or poem that shows up these days. I wonder at this segregation of things. I don’t know that it’s the right thing to do, anymore. The primary reason for me doing so was to ensure that those ideas that I take more seriously as my own stay out of the public record until a proper copyright could be achieved (e.g., they are published “properly”), but then I think that as soon as this text hits the ether, copyright has been achieved. Secondarily, I used to feel that my more serious work deserved a wider audience than this blog reaches. While I still think it does, I also don’t do anything to make the blog any more visible than it is. And so it goes.
So what the hell is my point in all this? I guess it’s a self-reconciliation with this site and my use of it. I have a lot of shit on my mind. Some of it is worth mulling over and taking my time with while the bulk of it is spew-able, as it were. I think all of it might be of interest to somebody, but I don’t really care if it is or not. I write for myself for the most part. If someone out there feels a desire to read what I put down, gets something out of it, then that makes me feel good. If not, then at least this stuff is floating around in my head any more.
See you next time.