My father

Happy birthday, dad.

I don’t speak of him often as my father, but as a poet, mathematician, carpenter, sculptor, or artist. (Okay, so that sentence is kind of a cheap way to introduce his crazy amount of talents to you, but it’s also true.)

In amongst all of those talents, those genius word weavings and “slight of foot tricks,” Victor Densmore has always without fail been my father. And through all of these years the most I’ve said about him being my father is when I say something like “My father’s writing a new book,” or “My father just made a giant set of wind chimes.” What I don’t remember having ever expressed in public, despite all the years I’ve been conscious of knowing him, is how much I love him as my father.

Today he turned 82. He’s known me for half of his life, and each morning he gets up and smiles and says good morning to me like it’s the first time, and each night he says goodnight like it’s the first time, and I can’t explain how that feels or what that means to me.

He loves my own family as much as he loves his own. He spreads the word about my wife’s art. He’s a grandfather twice over, and his wisdom towards his 18-year old grandson is just as salient as it is towards his 8-year old granddaughter. His joy and concern are equally real, and his advice in both situations is always cautious and intelligent.

Like all caring fathers, he worries that he wasn’t good enough, or didn’t teach enough, or didn’t sacrifice enough. He’s got nothing to worry about. There’s so much to say about him and what he’s done for me, for my sister, for my wife, and for my children. I’ll be saying more of it soon, but for now, I want to keep it simple.

Happy birthday, dad. Thanks for always being my father and always being good at it.

My new Tattoo

Skuldalið. Old Norse for "family" or "household" written in runes for talismanic properties.
Skuldalið. Old Norse for "family" or "household" written in runes for talismanic properties.

I got my first professional tattoo this weekend. I’ve been thinking about a tattoo since high school, but there was never anything that struck me as a permanent idea. Something that I wouldn’t mind embedded in my skin for the decades of my life I’ve yet to live. As I’ve grown older, though, some very relevant concepts have remained constants in my life. It is one of these constants that I chose to get imprinted on the inside of my left arm: family.

My concept of family, though, is nothing like the sociological sense of “nuclear” or “broken” or “alternative” that we hold on to today. Family to me is the idea that there are inherent obligations towards a certain set of people — obligations which go above and beyond the needs of other people.

Also, my perception of family is as one of the rings on the hierarchy of human experience. Being human requires participation in this hierarchy — at least it does in an existential mode of living — and it’s how I choose to live. The rings go from inner to outer in the following order: self, family, clan, neighborhood, village, town. Anything beyond “town” is a purely socio-political idea that doesn’t really affect humanity other than mashing us all together in one place. The six I’ve listed, though, coincide to our spheres of influence, from most influence to least influence. Each sphere, however, has more influence over the next one than the previous sphere does. For example, I have more control over myself than my family. However, a neighborhood has more control over a village than a family does.

This idea of a kind of concentric living is, as I said above, part of the existential experience. More importantly, though, it is also part of the human tribal experience and has been for centuries. At any point in human history, at any given gathering of humans, this kind of structure could be observed. It is in that spirit that I chose the concept of “family” for my tattoo.

The end result is nine runes (Sowilo, Kenaz, Uruz, Laguz, Dagaz, Ansuz, Laguz, Isa, Dagaz) that create a ritualistic presentation of the Old Norse word “Skuldalið”. Approximately translated it means “family” or “household”. I chose runes because of a closeness to my own sense of being, as well as a deep sense of connection to that aspect of my personal history. Runes are also used to elevate a word to a more potent talismanic idea.  A word written in runes is not just the word, but the idea of that word and the impact that it has on those who read the runes.

Family is everything to me. From that, I gain my own sense of well-being and foundation. I also define my family through my own actions. Ultimately, the world’s perceptions of me and of my family are one and the same. If I want my family to continue to thrive, then I must temper my actions against not only what is good for me, but also for my family. From there, the clan on out are also affected.

Skuldalið. Family. Household. My life.